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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

The Altered Report on the Nuns

BY: Carlo Guidowendo, SCCB Italy      December 30, 2014

Vatican City - In a sit-down interview with a Vatican representative, SCCB has learned the reason for the change in tune in the Vatican's investigation of American nuns.

The recently released report on the nuns surprised many as being "nice to the point of irrelevant." It was initially assumed that it was the change in pontificate that was the reason for the change in tune. The investigation had been initiated during Benedict's papacy. This theory proved to be mistaken.

"The reason for the change is rather simple," said Msgr. Alberto De Monti, spokesman for the Congregation for Institutes of Consecrated Life and Societies of Apostolic Life.

In a statement that has shocked many, the monsignor said, "The American nuns were willing to play hardball. They threatened to adopt FEMEN tactics - if you know what I mean! - if we did not relent with our investigation!"

"In retrospect, this should have been expected," De Monti now admits. "After all, the Leadership Conference of Women Religious (LCWR) has been on both the American and the European terror watch-lists for quite some time."

"We just had no idea what we were up against. We even received a letter of caution from President Putin, who observed rather sagely: 'imagine what the attack on the Vatican's manger scene on Christmas day would have been like had it been the American nuns!'"

A cardinal who wished to remain anonymous offered this perspective: "There simply are not enough wheelchair ramps in the Vatican City State to accommodate that kind of protest. And, besides, the Swiss Guards said they would walk off the job in such an eventuality."


  1. lol, good stuff, thanks for the smile again Colin :-)
    in JM+JT,

    Lee @

  2. As long as you keep laughing I will keep "finding out" the news...