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Friday, February 20, 2015

New 'Suing Gospel' Uncovered

Tel Aviv, Israel - The Don Mills Catholic Archaeological Society has just announced a momentous discovery: a previously unknown third century document the group is calling "The Suing Gospel."

Jeff Geoffreys, the head of the Archaeological Society, said that they have called it "The Suing Gospel," because of the particular manner in which it radically recasts the original story-line of the apostolic Gospels. Like the recently uncovered Gospel of Judas, it diverges widely from the four canonical Gospels accepted by the Christian churches.

"In fact," said Geoffreys, "In this gospel, Jesus is not crucified at all. He is taken to court by the descendants of King David for falsely claiming to be the "Son of David." He loses the initial litigation, which is held in front of King Herod, and then three days later files a counter-suit in front of Pilate, which he wins."

The whole thing seems to hinge on Peter, actually. Judas, it turns out, is one of the members of the jury that finds Jesus guilty. Yes, he is paid off by the plaintiffs, and, yes, it is with thirty pieces of silver. Everything changes, however, when Peter finally gets up the courage to speak up for Jesus after having denied his heredity claim three times. Peter is depicted as some kind of ancient genealogist, it appears.

Salt n' Lite, the Canadian Catholic media company is said to be very interested in buying the rights to the story.

"I'm not saying it's an authentic gospel or anything, but it is strangely compelling isn't it? We might even call it a kind of edifying tale about how we are to live our lives as Christians," said Salt n' Lite CEO, Tommy Rose.

"Now that we got rid of all that foolishness about turning the other cheek."


  1. Keep up the good work Colin! It is great to see the Canadian Catholic bloggers united ;-)

  2. I am recovering from my hiatus hernia surgery repair and this article does not help with my recovery!
    Great article though!

  3. Now I finally understand why we call the Holy Spirit the "Advocate!" Thanks SCCB!
    Keep up the great work Colin.