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Thursday, February 12, 2015

One Hold-Out for the Parade

By: SCCB Staff
Artist's depiction of upcoming St. Patrick's Day Parade.
Parade Marshall Dolan is somewhere in the pile of bodies.

New York City, USA - A group of Catholics who began to worry about the Catholic identity of the St. Patrick's Day Parade in the city started a campaign shortly after last year's parade.

It seems their campaign was unexpectedly successful: "Put the Saint Back in Paddy" campaign reports that there will, in fact, be only one single Catholic in the parade. The single hold-out is one Tim Dolan, it appears.

In an interview with SCCB, Mr. Dolan stated that he "refuses to go with the flow."

"I am so sick of those self-righteous puritans. They know nothing of our Irish Catholic heritage. When has an Irishman ever lived as ascetically as they would like us to?"

When asked whether he thought his involvement in the parade might prove scandalous to his fellow Catholics, he said, "If someone is scandalized by someone like me, you know, just your average middle-aged guy, wearing a mesh belly-shirt and short shorts and chugging Guinness, well, I just don't know what passes for Catholic anymore!"  

"I mean, all these Catholics today, all they talk about is adoration, pro-life issues and good liturgy. I am here to show that there is another side."

While the "Put the Saint Back in Paddy" campaign is elated about their success, they said that they are very worried about Mr. Dolan and have begun a novena for him.

"We now feel like the shepherd in the parable: all the sheep but one are accounted for," said campaign chairwoman, Sr. Faustina of the Divine Infant.

She added, "I am praying that when he gets up on that float and looks out upon that sea of Roman-style debauchery, he will feel the hand of God and will begin to take the Gospel a little more seriously than he has. It will be Lent, after all."

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