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Monday, February 2, 2015

Priest-Sniper Under Fire

By: SCCB Staff

Fr. Gains' famous high-caliber conversion from inches away.

Washington, D.C. - Criticism has been mounting against Fr. Chris Gains after the release of a movie about his 160 confirmed conversions.

Although Converter has been widely praised by actual Catholics, Church liberals have accused him of everything from cowardice to lying.

Cardinal Kasper said that he was always taught that apologists are the cowards of the Church, while CEO of Salt and Vinegar, the Canadian Catholic Broadcaster, Fr. Tommy Rose, said that Gainly was a liar for claiming that he converted him one day in a bar.

Rose later won a defamation suit against Gains, asserting that "he has never been converted in his life."

Despite Converter's record profits - making an astonishing $50 million on its opening day - Church elites are claiming that the movie glorifies proselytizing at a time when the pope is teaching us that all religions are more or less praiseworthy imitations of socialism.

Ecumenists around the world are outraged at the movie's depiction of an objective right and wrong / true and false in religion. "Not since the Passion has a movie been so disconcertingly black and white. The heroes of both of these movies are just too good to be true," said Fordham University theologian, Larry Sikes, S.J.

It has also come to light that a British priest may have, in fact, exceeded Gains' 160 conversions with a confirmed 173 conversions during missions to both Afghanistan and Iraq.

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