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Saturday, March 14, 2015

Papal Successor Talk

By: Carlo Guidowendo, SCCB Italy


Vatican City - In light of Pope Francis' remarks upon the occasion of his second anniversary as pope, that he will not be around all that much longer, a certain cardinal in England, has been speculating once again about the succession.

Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor had been accused of illicitly lobbying for the election of Bergoglio two years ago, which some consider invalidates the succession and effects the automatic excommunication of the cardinal himself.

Newly uncovered emails do nothing to vindicate him. The hacker organization, 'Anonymous Catholic,' (rather than Guy Fawkes masks, they wear Queen Elizabeth I masks) posted emails exchanged between the cardinal and an unidentified German cardinal online this morning. The German cardinal is identified only by his address: openmarriages@openchurch.de

A few of the more controversial messages are included here:

From Murphy-O'Connor:

"Dear brother, seeing that 'big daddy' is saying that he only has a few years left, we should begin to find his successor"

From openmarriages:

"Yes, brother, way ahead of you here. I have found a guy who loves the fringe so much he only attends non-Catholic events, only recognizes second marriages, and has called birth control pills "a better type of communion.'"

From Murphy-O'Connor:

"He sounds great, but what are his views on the liturgy?"

From openmarriages:

"Three words for you: drums, banners and dance."

From Murphy-O'Connor:

"And how does he feel about the poor?"

From openmarriages:

"Don't worry: he's from a wealthy family, so he's as good at pretending to care about the poor as the Kennedys and the Clintons."

From Murphy-O'Connor:

"He sounds perfect."

When asked about the controversial emails, the spokesman for the pope said, "Yeah, but what are you gonna do about it? Things just kind of happen the way they do. We could get all upset about it, but in the end it's much better just to ignore it. You just have to let God be God. And God has made wealthy liberals to rule over us. You can't question His ways."

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