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Friday, June 12, 2015

Chesterton: Patronage Designation Announced

By: Carlo Guidowendo, SCCB Italy

Vatican City - Angelo Cardinal Amato, Prefect of the Congregation for the Causes of Saints, has made an announcement that is bound to excite many English-speaking Catholics.

In the Vatican press room Amato stated that "If the great English apologist is ever elevated to the altar, the Congregation agreed that he would be designated as 'Patron Saint of those with Modest Ambitions.'"

The prefect stated that the designation in no way guarantees a successful outcome for Chesterton's cause, but that it does speak to the great interest of the Church and of the faithful in his life, and of the great importance of that "under-served segment of members of the Church today: men with humble intellectual aspirations - especially those who aren't all that much into asceticism."

"Who is there to carry our prayers to heaven now?" asked Joe Ryan, President of the G. K. Chesterton Drinking and Cigar Aficionado Club at the University of St. Thomas. "Who are we supposed to make a novena to when we want to - someday - eventually fit into a size 48 extra-wide jacket? To whom are we to pray to intercede for us for the grace to go between meals without snacking? And, to whom ought we to pray to help us get into MA programs at middle-ranked Catholic colleges?"

"There are lots of saints for those with high aspirations - like St. Francis of Assisi and St. Thomas Aquinas. But what if you don't want to really aim that high? Let's be honest, how many Francises and Aquinases are there, anyway? I mean, come down to earth, people!" Ryan added.

Ryan indicated that the Chesteron Drinking and Cigar Club would be celebrating the Vatican announcement with brandy and cigars, "And, of course, our traditional pizza-eating contest - but meatless pizza, since it's Friday," he added.

1 comment:

  1. I've always thought he'd be the patron saint of lung cancer patients.