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Friday, June 19, 2015

Shocking Catholic Pundit Survey

By: SCCB American Correspondent, Herb Green

Unnamed Catholic journalist working for the Catholic Register,
says he is "Definitely and unapologetically against injustice."
Des Moines, United States - A new survey of Catholic commentators is painting a surprising picture. The USCCB-commissioned study undertaken by Pew Research examined the opinions of leading American and Canadian Catholic bloggers, journalists and speakers.

Among the many surprising findings is that this group has turned out to be 100% against the shooting of innocent black people. Blogger, Mark Shea, said he had "especially strong feelings about this controversial issue."

It was likewise surprising that this group came out strongly against "blind environmental depredation," "violence against homosexuals," "clerical sexual abuse," and "letting people starve to death because you can't be bothered to get out of your taxi to give them some of your change."

"The findings are extraordinary!" said lead Pew researcher, Angus Spectacles. "It blew away many of our presuppositions."

"It just goes to show - yet again - that the bishops are completely out of step with the laity," said head 'Nun on the Bus,' Sister Simone Campbell, who was difficult to hear over the sound of the air-conditioning unit on the bus. "We nuns have been saying, for instance, that murder and random arrests are unjust. It seems that these people have finally started to listen to us."

"It takes courage to tell your Facebook followers that you are against police brutality, tornadoes and the pollution of Third World drinking water," added Mark Shea.

The study took three years to complete and cost the American bishops $7 million. Because of the cost overrun, the bishops' conference had to lay off thirteen lay workers, so as to eliminate any threat to its clerical pension fund.

1 comment:

  1. May the Divine Master Bless abundantly all people who work for the spread of HIS Holy Gospel.