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Friday, October 16, 2015

Kasper Wins Bet

By: SCCB Roman Correspondent, Ashley Aaronson




Vatican City - Church-insiders were surprised to find out that two cardinals who sit on the opposite ends of the ideological spectrum had a secret bet going.

Cardinals Burke and Kasper had entered into a wager the day Pope Francis announced that he was going to hold a synod on the family, adding that "no opinion was off the table."

Kasper said, "When I heard that I looked over at Burke and I am sure he saw me smirking. Burke just kind of rolled his eyes and looked away. Then later, in the Vatican lunch room, where I was sitting with my buddies in the cool section, Burke walked by, and I stepped on his cappa magna. He looked at me with irritation and then I said to him, 'So free and open, eh? No opinion off the table, eh?'"

"It was a figure of speech. I believe the Holy Father used the phrase 'in God' too," Burke replied, "Now would you mind getting off my cappa? My gazpacho is getting warm."

"Then I said to Burke, 'How long before he regrets having said that?' Truth be told, I know exactly how Burke thinks. Openly he is all high-churchy, but inside he is even more cynical than I am."

"Well, if you have anything to do with it, I am sure it will be very soon."

"I bet that he will regret it during the Synod itself."

"I think it will be earlier than that."

"It's a wager then. If he states unequivocally that he regrets having said that before the synod you win, and I will publicly admit that I am a phony-bologna cardinal. If it is not until the synod, then you have to stop wearing this bridal veil."

"What if he doesn't say it at all?"

"At this point Cardinal Marx chimed in. 'If he doesn't say it at all, both of you have to come to my birthday party,' he said."

"Of course, I was right. The Holy Father was heard to mutter to Parolin, "Do these cardinals have to say everything they think! Frankly, I too am amazed he held out this long."

It was said that the real loser of the bet was Cardinal Marx.

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