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Tuesday, October 6, 2015

National Evangelization Commission Perplexed

By: SCCB Staff

CCCB Evangelization Commission Opening Ceremony for AGM
Ottawa, Canada - "Failing to reach our goals is not something we are used to at the CCCB, that's for sure." - That was the sentiment shared during the lunch break of the Annual General Meeting of the National Evangelization Commission of the CCCB.

"We spent the morning going over what we might have missed," said Eastern Sector-English-Native representative, Joe Howard, who is also co-co-chair of the Commission for a two-month term.

"Although we tried to be as thorough as possible, we still failed to make as big an impact as we had hoped," said Howard. "Our impression is that not everyone in Canada has yet embraced our message."

"We tried to set up the committee to be as effected as possible, by fairly representing Canadian Catholics: the English/French thing, the native thing, the Chinese thing, the Filipino thing... who did we miss? Our membership was exactly 50-50 on the genders. We had 10% homosexual representation, which reflects our culture perfectly, by the way. We had divorced and remarried Catholics, as well as single people and those who prefer to sleep around. We had young and old, university graduates and high school graduates. 30% of our membership was senior citizens. We had those who worked with same-sex attracted youth. We had AIDS sufferers. We even had a homeless person. We had thirteen refugees on the Commission. One of members was a same-sex attracted, divorced aboriginal socialist in a wheelchair, who worked with AIDS-suffering homeless under-privileged Middle Eastern autoworkers. (We were able to tick off a lot of boxes with him!) I ask again, who did we miss?"

"To be honest," offered one of the other of the thirty-six revolving co-co-chairs, Samantha Sniggles, "I don't think all of our problems had to do with our membership. I think we did a good job of getting an accurate cross-section of Catholics. Rather, I think it has to do with our message. I think we can do better at appearing more open. Take our 2015 motto, for example, which is "Together No One is Judged for Anything Ever." I wonder, does it leave out people with Split-Personality Disorder. Sorry, that's its old name. What I mean is, people blessed with Multi-Personality Enhancement Giftedness. Did we exclude those people by using the word 'one'?"
Cardinal Collins: "I just... I just..."

Gerty Durkheim, past-co-co-chair from the May-June term, the German-Croatian English-speaking non-Native Goose Bay, Labrador Region representative, said, "We spent two hours discussing the ways in which our differences make us special. I think if we just spend a little more time doing that, we will get to where Mother Gaia wants us to be."

When SCCB asked what he thought about the meeting so far and what hope he thought there was for the CCCB Commission to make some real headway in evengelizing Canada, special episcopal representative to the Commission, Cardinal Thomas Collins, was clearly deeply moved. "Please, I just... I just... Please give me a few minutes to clear my head and drink this coffee before I have to go back in there. O dear Lord!"

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