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Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Old Married Guy Punches Newly Married Guy

By: Marleen Tuffly, SCCB Criminal Reporter Division

Jim Douglas
Stuebenville, United States - A local man is up on charges after assaulting newly married and self-described Theology of the Body enthusiast.

Jordan Meek was treated for minor injuries by the Franciscan University nursing staff after the scuffle, police reported. The man who assaulted him, Jim Douglas, has confessed to punching Mr. Meek and is determined to do whatever it takes to make up for his mistake, which he said, "Just came out of nowhere, like some kind of primal rage."

Meeks was known to Douglas as "the guy who walks by his house every morning, singing Salve Regina at the top of his lungs."

Meeks was on his way to the university where he is doing a Masters degree in theology.

"I usually just nod to him when I see him," said Douglas, "but that day he just kept going on and on about the beauty of the Theology of the Body."

Assault victim, Jordan Meeks, hugs
SCCB journalist, Marleen Tuffly
"I just asked him how he was! I was trying to get into my car to go to work when he started in on it. A twenty-minute long barrage about the importance of spouses affirming each other's uniqueness. Listen, I have been married for twenty-three years. I am a devout Catholic. I have seven children. I was not in the mood to hear all about the 'glories of the Domestic Church' from a pimply-faced teenager who has literally been married for three months! He was just launching into a discussion of the 'feminine genius' when I lost it."

SCCB asked Mr. Meeks if he had any hard feelings towards his assaulter. "No, not at all! I think in time he will learn all that life has in store for him, as spelled out by St. John Paul the Great. I am sending him a copy of the Theology of the Body, so that should help him. And now I am sending him some prayer-hugs: zapp, zapp! Maybe I should send him some Christopher West CDs and Patrick Coffin's book, Sex Au Naturel? Or is that too much for a beginner to take in?"

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