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Monday, October 5, 2015

People Tired of Bishops Griping

By: SCCB Staff

"People are so annoying," Bishop Lefleuf told SCCB.

Bracebridge, Canada - Quebec bishops say they are tired of being described as overly negative and completely resistant to the spirit of the mainstream culture. They are meeting to discuss how to do something about this.

"Sunday after Sunday the faithful are hit with depressing homilies decrying the 'evils' of abortion and contraception," said Quebec City church-goer, Etienne Rubarb. "Like, just last Sunday, our pastor had to read a letter by the bishop, talking about the heresies besetting the Church today. It must have quoted Pius X like fourteen times."

"I don't know," opined Suzette Oderifique, "I seem to remember our priest talking about the environment the other week. Oh, no, that's not right - he was talking about the disgusting environment of sexual depravity that pervades our godless culture."

"It would be nice to hear something about mercy, God's love, and being 'open' once in a while, you know," said a recent convert to the Faith, Richard Visine. "I mean, sure, I am a convert to Catholicism, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to hear about other religions on Sunday, or about how you don't need God to be good. I want to hear those things at mass."

Quebec priest, Pere Richard Mumberline, said, "Honestly, I try not to just preach about the necessity of confession, that the Church is the sole means of salvation and that any sexual sin will condemn one to the pain of hell for eternity, but I do seem to end up there quite often in my homilies. I mean, the people are just so utterly dead inside. What else should I say to them?"

Msgr. LeFleuf agreed with Mumberline's assessment of the Quebec people. "Yes, quite dead inside. All the French bishops say so."

SCCB asked Ms. Oderifique if she thought the Quebec bishops would be able to cast off their negative reputation. "Probably not any time soon," she said. "It is election time, you know. Imagine a Federal election without the bishops telling us not to vote for the satanic, pro-abortion NDP! Can you even imagine it! Can you imagine them not giving us hard-and-fast advice about how to vote as a Catholic? Can you imagine them ever letting us think that abortion and nationally-funded daycare were morally equivalent issues? Can you imagine them leaving us to drift in a sea of ambiguity? Now that's laughable!"

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